"I can never forgive him for that."

When Abigail was asked about her father, she wryly said, "I use
to miss him, but now my aim is better." Welcoming the opportunity
to vent, she explained how her father cruelly taunted her as a
child. She was constantly belittled and ridiculed and made to
feel worthless. "I can never forgive him for that." she went on
to add.

But which is more tragic, the alleged maltreatment Abigail
experienced as a child or her inability to forgive her dad? She
has been holding on to resentment for more than half a century!
By refusing to forgive her father, she is insisting on punishing
herself. Her anger toward her father is understandable, for
hatred is a vulnerable child's revenge for being intimated.

But Abigail is no longer a child. She can start thinking like an
adult by releasing her tight grip on painful childhood memories.
Yes, her father may have betrayed her, but today she betrays
herself by sucking the life out of herself and ruining her own
chance for happiness. How can anger and resentment help us?
Aren't they toxic? For those who refuse to forgive, Confucius
(BCE 551 ~ 479) issued this grave warning, "Before you embark on
a journey of revenge, dig two graves."

But how do we forgive others for the pain they have caused us? No
one taught us how in school. Besides, although there are many
logical arguments for forgiveness, logic has little power to
defeat emotional beliefs. It would help if we could recognize
that although we cannot change the past, we can change our
attitude toward it. But this too is a logical argument, so there
is little likelihood of it healing an extremely painful past.
Applying a sprinkling of logic to an emotionally painful past is
like applying a small band aid to third-degree burns.

Does that mean there is no hope for recovery? Not at all. In the
last 30 years, new and powerful tools have emerged that have made
personal transformation easier than ever.

If you have computer experience, you may have tried to save a new
file with the same name as an older file. When trying to do so,
you will usually be warned that if you continue, the new file
will overwrite the old one. That is, the new file will replace
the old one, and the old one will be erased from the computer's
memory.

Isn't our brain a computer? Aren't our memories files? Why not
overwrite painful memories (files)? To practice the "Overwriting
Your Past" application, we first have to place ourselves in the
alpha state (a state of relaxation). The instructions on how to
do so appeared in the previous issue, but for the benefit of
those who missed it, I am repeating them here (steps 1 ~ 3).

1. Find a place where you will not be disturbed. Shake out body
tension. Be seated and get as comfortable as possible. Close your
eyes and take three deep breaths.

2. Slowly inhale and imagine the number three flashing three
times as you slowly breathe out. Repeat this for number two (see
it flashing three times as you slowly exhale). Next, repeat this
for number one.

3. Imagine sitting before a black curtain with a bowl of white
numbers (1 ~ 10) at your side. Reach into the bowl, take out
number one, stick it onto the curtain, and then remove it. Repeat
this with number two, continuing until you have done all ten
numbers.

Steps 1 ~ 3 remove your thoughts from the cares of the day, help
you enter a relaxed state (alpha), and prepare your mind to focus
on the "Overwriting Your Past" exercise. At this point you will
be prepared for the next step.

4. In your mind's eye or imagination, relive the painful memory.
Turn it into a movie. Watch it from beginning to end.

5. Now that it is a movie, play it in reverse. Try it in slow
motion and fast rewind.

6. Now play it in fast-forward. Notice how it takes on the almost
comical appearance of an old silent film.

7. Add music to your movie and change the scene to a carnival or
Mardi Gras atmosphere. Watch it in fast-forward and reverse.

8. Add props. Do you remember those funny plastic eyeglasses with
huge eyebrows and a huge nose? Place one on the antagonist in
your movie (in Abigail's case, she would see her father wearing
these ridiculous eyeglasses as he belittles her). Dress the
antagonist in an outrageous costume (perhaps as a clown). Watch
this new version of your movie in forward and reverse.
Tinker with the speed if you wish.

9. Add character voices to your movie. Change the lips of your
antagonist to the bill of a duck and give him or her a Donald or
Daffy Duck voice. Watch your new movie in forward and reverse.
Give the villain of your movie any other absurd voice you can
think of. Watch and enjoy!

As you practice the "Overwriting Your Past" application, you will
find that your original painful experience will slowly be
transformed into something funny. If not funny, something so
ridiculous that it is powerless to harm you.

Practice this application for 30 minutes a day for as long as
needed, which should be no longer than two or three weeks. Thirty
minutes a day for 21 days works out to just ten and a half hours.
That's less than half a day's work to end a problem that plagued
Abigail for more than 50 years! How powerful is this application?
If all you do is read about it, it is powerless to help. But if
you follow the steps and apply it to your life, like other NLP
tools, it is life transformational.

Do you, like Abigail, have a disturbing memory that haunts you
and holds you back from enjoying the limitless freedom and
happiness you deserve? If so, why not rewrite your life? Why not
overwrite your past? Why not set yourself free? After all, all
you have to lose is the chain that is holding you back.

Despite the usefulness and power of the "Overwrite Your Past"
application, it is not always the best approach for everyone.
After all, even in conventional and integrative medicine,
patients respond differently to the same form of treatment. So,
the more weapons in your arsenal or arrows in your quiver, the
greater your likelihood of success. With that aim in mind, here
are more techniques to cleanse you from the toxicity of holding a
grudge. I'll divide the techniques into three groups:
Compassionate, Psychological, and Spiritual.

1. Compassionate
a) The Deathbed Visualization. Buddha asked, if you realize
everyone will die, how can you treat them cruelly? With that
thought in mind, Buddhist monks practice a 'Deathbed
Visualization.' That is, if they are the object of cruelty, they
imagine the perpetrator on his or her deathbed. Such an image
evokes compassion rather than anger. Don't those who are drowning
flail about wildly? They don't wish to drown their rescuers;
their wild behavior is caused by their desperate attempts to
survive. So it is with those who are cruel to us. They are on
their deathbed. Confused, they are drowning in the sea of life,
wildly flailing about, wildly striking out, desperately trying to
survive in the only way they know how. With this realization, how
can we be angry with them? How can we refuse to forgive them?

b) The Loving Kindness Meditation. One of the best ways to
cultivate forgiveness is through the Buddhist Loving Kindness
Meditation. Fortunately, there is much information dealing with
this subject on the Internet. For simple instructions on how to
perform this meditation, visit:
http://dharma.ncf.ca/introduction/instructions/metta.html. To
listen to an example, play the audio file of a Loving Kindness
Mediation that is at:
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/32/story_3248_1.html#.

2. Psychological
a) Understanding the Cause of Pain. A kicked dog bites not
because it is vicious, but because it is defending itself.
Similarly, most of the people who act cruelly do so not because
they are mean-spirited, but because, like the dog, they have been
injured in the past and remain in emotional pain.

Whenever we have to bear the brunt of a cruel remark, it helps to
ask ourselves, "What could have happened to make that person act
that way?" By reminding ourselves that cruelty flows from pain,
it becomes far easier to forgive.

b) People Just Do Their Best under the Circumstances. We are not
perfect. Sometimes we act stupidly and hurt others. Not because
we're bad, but because we do the best we can at any particular
time. If we cannot control our own behavior, how can we become
offended by someone who is guilty of the same offense? Here's a
good habit to get into: whenever someone offends you, in your
mind state the offense and add the phase "just like me." For
example, if someone is upsetting you because they are hogging the
conversation and not giving you a chance to speak, rather than
getting upset, say to yourself, "They are hogging the
conversation and not giving others a chance to speak... just like
me." You see, the plain truth is what we don't like about others
is what we don't like about ourselves. But because we don't like
to admit our faults (even if it is only to ourself), we project
them on others. Take advantage of this fact by using the world as
a mirror for self- improvement. In other words, when you don't
like the behavior of others, repeat the "...just like me."
sentence in your mind, and in your heart thank them for pointing
out an area that you can improve on.

c) Understand the Cause of Your Pain Is Not the External World,
but Your Internal World. Most of us are somewhat fragmented. It
is almost like having multiple personalities. There is the person
we REALLY are, the person we THINK we are, and the person we
PRETEND to be.

Also, for a detailed look at our fragmented, many selves and how
to heal or integrate them, see: THE MISSING PIECE, Solving the
Puzzle of Self, by Claudia Black, Ph.D. and Leslie Drozd, Ph.D.,
Ballantine Books, 1995. By learning how to forgive ourselves, we
will become well equipped to forgive others.

d) Hypnosis. Another tool employed by NLP Practitioners is
hypnosis. If you're looking for a good, FREE, software package
that will hypnotize you, give you hypnotic suggestions (that you
can edit or create), and wake you up, look no further than
Virtual Hypnotist. You can learn all about it and download it at:
http://vhypno.sourceforge.net/. You can use self-hypnosis to
improve yourself in all areas of life. But before embarking on an
auto-hypnosis odyssey, be sure to study the basics. One book that
will give you a solid and comprehensive view of hypnosis is
"SELF-HYPNOSIS for the Life You Want" by Charles E. Henderson,
Ph.D., Biocentrix, 2003.

3. Spiritual
a) Acceptance. The main teaching of Buddhism and Taoism is
acceptance. That is, we accept what cannot be changed. No
complaints, no whining, no struggle. On the contrary, we embrace
what is and "go with the flow." If we unconditionally accept
everyone we deal with, there will be no need for forgiveness.
What's more, when we accept life, rather than fight against it,
we will not experience frustration and bitterness.

b) Transcendence. The spiritual path is one of transcendence.
That is, we seek to become more than we are, greater than we are,
nobler than we are. What better way to uplift ourselves and
change desperation into inspiration than by forgiveness? For as
Edwin Hubbel Chapin (1814 ~ 1880) wrote, "Never does the human
soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and
dares to forgive an injury." Consider also the following words
found in Hindu scripture (the Mahabharata), "Forgiveness subdues
all in this world; what is there that forgiveness cannot achieve?
What can a wicked person do unto him who carries the sabre
(saber) of forgiveness in his hand? Fire falling on the grassless
ground is extinguished of itself. An unforgiving individual
defiles himself with many enormities. Righteousness is the one
highest good; and forgiveness is the one supreme peace; knowledge
is one supreme contentment; and benevolence, one sole happiness."

By Chuck Gallozzi

A Question of Self-Esteem

Q: "What is self-esteem? Is it another word for self-confidence?"

A: No, they are different. SELF-ESTEEM deals with the image we
have of ourselves. It is about how we see and FEEL about
ourselves. It is about the degree to which we VALUE ourselves.
Those who have a positive self-image, hold themselves in ESTEEM.
(They have high self-esteem.)

Those who have a negative self-image, hold themselves in
contempt, believe they have little value or are convinced they
are worthless. (They have low self-esteem.)

Although self-esteem is about belief in ourselves, SELF-
CONFIDENCE is about belief in our abilities. The first belief
deals with how we perceive our value as a human. The second with
how well equipped (skilful) we believe we are to deal with life.

Q: "How important is self-esteem?"

A: Extremely. In fact, of the four steps to success, it is the
most important.

Q: "What are the four steps to success?"

A: To succeed in life, or reach our dreams, there are four
requirements:

1. We need to know what we want.
2. We need to believe we deserve it.
3. We need to believe we can achieve it.
4. We need to take the action steps that will lead us to our goal.

Step number two is the most important. It can make us or break us.

Q: "Why is that?"

A: Well, we can use REASON, analysis, and planning to learn what
we want (Step 1) and how to get it (Step 4). And if we don't have
all the skills we need to reach our goal (Step 3), reason, again,
will come to our aid. For reason tells us if we lack skills, we
can take a course, attend a school, or hire an instructor to
bring us up to par.

Reason and logic rely on the tool of language, which belongs to
the domain of the conscious mind. The subconscious has its own
language, which consists mainly of IMAGES and FEELINGS. The
images are similar to video clips of events in our lives (our
memories). And feelings are the emotions associated with the
`video clips.' We can no more use logic to change our memories
than we can use logic to change the video on a DVD.

Our self-esteem resides in the subconscious, so it is out of the
reach of logic. This is why it is impossible to cure an anorexic
with logic. No use telling her she is starving herself to death,
for her subconscious believes she is too fat. If we can't cure an
anorexic or change our self-image with logic, does that mean we
are condemned to remain the same?

Not at all. It simply means we have to use the same language as
the subconscious, which consists of images and feelings. We can
overwrite our past `video clips' and feelings with new ones.

On a subconscious level, those who have low self-
esteem don't believe they deserve to succeed. Once this belief is
in place, the subconscious will do everything in its power to
live consistent with this belief.

Occasionally, someone with low self-esteem will stumble on
success, win the lottery, or have success thrust on them, but as
soon as that happens, the subconscious gets busy, tearing down
their success to bring them down to the level it believes they
belong. That's why Step 2 of the four steps to success is so
important.

Low self-esteem can easily lead to a dead-end street. That's why
the best-selling author of "The Road Less Traveled," M. Scott
Peck, MD (1936 ~ 2005), wrote, "Until you value yourself, you
will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not
do anything with it."

Q: "Since self-esteem is so important, how can I raise mine?"

A: Here are some steps you can take to boost your self-esteem:

1. Low self-esteem or a poor self-image is associated with
negative thinking while high self-esteem is associated with
positive thinking. So, start thinking like a successful person
today. That is, become a positive thinker. Here is a fact: You
can raise your self-esteem as high as you wish. Granted, it may
take a little work, but it is well in your power. That is a fact.
That is a positive fact. That is something to be grateful for.
So, start being grateful and positive today. Like Walt Whitman
(1819 ~ 1892), repeat these words every day, "I am as bad as the
worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best."

2. Check out the article mentioned earlier to learn how to
overwrite your past.

3. Choose your friends carefully. Today, with great pain, I
dropped a close friend of many years. Over the years we have gone
in different directions, he becoming very negative. All of us
become like those we associate with. I cannot afford to hang
around negative people and neither can you.

4. To understand this next fact, you will have to do more than
open your mind; you'll have to open your heart. Here is the fact:
Those who are responsible for your less than satisfactory self-
esteem did the best they could under the circumstances. Like
yours, their upbringing was less than perfect. Because of these
facts, forgive them. Once you do so, you will feel better. You
will feel better because you will have become a better person. In
other words, you will have added to your value, you will have
become more worthy. Reworded, you will have raised your own self-
esteem. The reason it is so important to learn how to forgive
others is that you will be unable to forgive yourself until you
can forgive others. And once you forgive yourself for your own
failings, a weight will be lifted from your shoulders and your
self-esteem will rise another notch.

5. Do good. Help others. Become a volunteer. Support, encourage,
and uplift everyone you meet. These actions will make the world a
better place. Because of your contributions, you will feel
valuable and worthy (that's another way of saying you will
experience high self-esteem). Besides, as you encourage others,
they will encourage you, boosting your self-esteem even further.

6. Practice visualization exercises. If you don't know how to,
borrow or buy a book or attend a workshop. Remember, the language
of the subconscious is images and feelings, not logic. So, close
your eyes and see yourself as the person you wish to become. How
is the person you wish to become breathing and feeling? Copy
those same patterns. As you grow skilful and can clearly see the
person you wish to become, see yourself stand up (in your mind's
eye), walk up to the person you want to become, and step into its
body, just like you are putting on new clothes. With frequent
practice, the message will reach the subconscious and it will
start acting consistent with the new image of yourself.

7. To reinforce the visualization exercise and carry it a step
further, follow the advice of William James (1842 ~ 1910) and ACT
LIKE the person you wish to become. Pretend you are an actor and
the world is your stage. Pretend you are the person you wish to
become and give your best possible performance. Increase your
acting skills with practice, acting more each day like the person
you wish to become. This powerful exercise is magical. If you
practice it religiously, before long you will believe you have
indeed become the new you. After all, as you act as the person
you wish to become, people start treating you differently. As
they treat you with more respect, you develop more self-respect.
In short, they act as stage directors in your play, guiding you
to becoming the person you want to be and were meant to be.

8. As Brian Tracy teaches, "Never say anything about yourself you
do not want to come true." (After all, your subconscious is
listening.) That is, even in jest, never say things like, "I'm so
stupid..."

9. Stop being self-critical and focus on the positive. To change
your focus, keep a journal titled "What's Great about Me." At the
end of each day list your accomplishments, positive attributes,
and what you are proud of. Do this long enough and you will
experience a dramatic shift for the better in your self-image.

Q: Can you recommend some books on self-esteem?

A: Because of the pervasiveness of self-esteem problems, many
excellent books are available. You won't have to study many books
as long as you apply what you learn from one good book.

Dr. Nathaniel Branden's "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem"

THE SMART KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE WISE KNOW WHETHER TO SAY IT.

Words are powerful. The words we use can heal or hurt. They can
arouse enthusiasm, evoke joy, and unleash passion. But they can
also provoke anger, inflict sorrow, and crush with despair. When
speaking to others, we can use our words as daggers to kill their
spirits or we can use them as music to lift their spirits. The
choice is ours, but . . .

The problem is most of us are so wrapped up in building our
career, raising a family, and paying our bills that little or no
thought is given to the power of words. Sadly, unawareness of
this great power results in grave consequences. Marriages fall
apart, friendships dissolve, and happiness eludes some of us.

Can you see how important it is to be mindful of our words? The
Roman emperor Claudius (10 BCE ~ 54 CE) did. For he said, "Say
not always what you know, but always know what you say." Yes, we
need not say everything we know, believe, or feel because our
words can hurt others. Rather than blurting out the first idea
that comes to mind, we should pause and weigh our words carefully
before speaking.

Buddha also understood the power of words. In fact, he considered
it so important that he made it the third step of his "Eightfold
Path." (The "Eightfold Path" is his formula for ending
suffering.) He cajoled his followers to practice RIGHT SPEECH
(step three of the "Eightfold Path"). The "Right" of "Right
Speech" means "that which leads to freedom from suffering." So,
"Right Speech" is speech that does not harm or hurt others; it is
both gentle and kind.

Buddha taught that the practice of "Right Speech" consisted of
avoiding four types of speech. The first type to avoid is HARSH
(unkind, mean, nasty, cruel, irritating). Engaging in unkind
speech causes others to suffer. And when we cause others to
suffer, there are negative consequences that will lead to our own
suffering. For example, if I speak unkindly to everyone I meet,
not only will they suffer, but my actions will cause me to become
alienated, which will lead to my suffering. As a participant in
the web of life, we have a duty to speak kindly. Kindly does not
mean ingratiatingly, hoping to get rewards of any kind. Rather,
kindly means with compassion, supporting others in their desire
to grow.

The second type of speech to avoid is DIVISIVE (partisan,
polarizing). Political parties (such as the Republicans and
Democrats) fight for power in complete disregard for the rights
of those they are sworn to protect. They maintain power by
pitting one group against another. Religious extremists, in
particular, are masters of this type of speech. In their lust for
control, they separate and divide humankind. They oppress,
torture, and kill with impunity those who disagree with them. It
is this kind of speech that is responsible for the greatest
amount of suffering.

The third sort of speech to avoid is FALSE (untruthful,
deceitful, deceptive). Some modern businesses shamelessly reap
huge profits by manufacturing lies. They rip off consumers
without compunction. Ordinary people, at times, destroy
reputations with gossip, fibs, and innuendos. Importantly, as we
stop lying to others, we grow more truthful to ourselves. It's
good to remember that it is impossible to help the world without
helping ourselves. Likewise, it is impossible to harm others
without harming ourselves.

The fourth class of speech to avoid is TRIVIAL (worthless,
useless, idle). Idle chatter may seem harmless enough, but while
engaging in it, opportunities to do good with Right Speech are
squandered. Rather than idle banter, we could engage in kind and
gentle speech, encouraging and uplifting our friends. We could
also improve the world by using words that unite and foster
cooperation. Our family life and work environment will also
improve if we are honest, truthful, candid, and straightforward
in all our dealings. Finally, our companions will appreciate
conversations that are useful, helpful, valuable, practical,
beneficial, and worthwhile.

Part of the practice of Right Speech is knowing when NOT to
speak. Buddha expressed it this way:

If it is not truthful and not helpful, don't say it.
If it is truthful and not helpful, don't say it.
If it is not truthful and helpful, don't say it.
If it is truthful and helpful. . . WAIT for the right time.

Bernard Meltzer, Distinguished Professor Emeritus of Law
(University of Chicago), is right at home with these Buddhist
concepts, for he said, "Before you speak ask yourself if what you
are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If
the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left
unsaid."

Also note that we can practice right or wrong speech without
uttering one word. After all, only roughly 7% of communication is
expressed by words. Approximately 34% is expressed by the tone of
our voice, and close to 55% by our body language.

Take a look at this example. Dad is exhausted after a tough day
at the office. He comes home, plops into his favorite easy chair
and starts to read the paper. Suddenly, five-year-old Tommy comes
in, pulls on his Dad's shirt sleeve and says, "Daddy, look at the
picture of a dragonfly I painted at school today." Without
removing his eyes from the newspaper, Dad reaches out with his
arm, gropes around, pats his son on the head and says, "Very nice
job, Tommy. I'm proud of you."

Dad's tone of voice was good and his choice of words was
excellent, but the message Tommy received gets a failing grade.
You see, Tommy could see by Dad's body language that at this
time, the newspaper was MORE IMPORTANT than him. The unspoken
part of the message was the most significant, and regrettably, it
was devastating to Tommy. So, despite Dad's good tone of voice
and excellent choice of words, he did NOT practice Right Speech.

Here's something else Dad could have done. When interrupted by
Tommy, Dad could have put the paper down, stood up, bent down,
scooped up Tommy, lifted him up in the air, hugged and kissed
him, and put him down again without saying a word. No words, yet,
Dad would be practicing Right Speech, for Tommy would get the
message loud and clear: Daddy loves you!

Besides Buddhists, Taoists also refer to and follow the practice
of Right Speech. They believe we must be aware of our words and
use them to promote harmony, while cultivating the wisdom to know
when to speak and when to remain silent.

We don't have to be Buddhists or Taoists to benefit from their
ancient wisdom. If we decide to reflect on what we say, before,
during, and after speaking, we can make our words become
treasured gifts to others.

By Chuck Gallozzi

The Every-Day Magic of Small Steps

One of the great tragedies is to carry a dream and never
take action to make it come true. To die with your dreams
and aspirations still inside you, waiting for another time,
another day, or a 'big break' is the greatest of failures.
Do not let that happen! Do not wait 'until'!

Literally every thing you see and every tool you use, even
the chair you're sitting on, began as nothing but a thought.
Someone had an idea for a chair. Henry Ford had an idea
that cars could be in every garage. Your computer began as
an idea and a series of huge, crude devices in the 1940's.
The actual computer you are looking at right now began as
someone's idea that they could manufacture and sell
computers better, faster and cheaper than anyone else.

Everything starts with an idea. It always has, and always
will.

Many people have observed that 'ideas are things'.
Thoughts and words have the power to move us, to change us,
and to become living, breathing, tangible things! In a sense,
our world is made up of nothing but thoughts and words!

But there is a gulf between an idea and its fulfillment.

Most 'things' are actually still-born and never come to
fruition because we fail to span the gulf between potential
and reality. That gap can only be bridged with daily
action.

How many times have you thought of an invention or process
that could be worth a fortune, done nothing about it, and
then found that same (or a similar) product for sale a few
months later? We've all had that experience. Someone got
rich off 'your' idea and the difference is that they took
specific, concrete, focused ACTION. Their product is in
the store, for sale, making them money, and your idea is
still...a dream.

Here are some basics, some essentials to make your dreams
come true:

1. Plan your days. Every evening, plan the following day.
First thing in the morning, plot your strategy. Leaders
have always done this! This is not new! But only about 4%
of the population does it. Write down your priorities and
choose your daily actions.

2. Keep a list of big things. On your desk, or on your
bathroom mirror, keep a list of your most important
projects, goals and commitments. Keep it where you see it,
and read it, every day. Keep it current. What we think
about, gets done.

3. Keep a list of small things. Keep a list of 5-minute
tasks, phone calls or notes that you can do any place, any
time. When you wait for an appointment, make that call.
When you have a minute, send a note or read a few pages.
Always know 'what's next' and take action, every single
day.

4. Take magnificent care of yourself! Healthy, happy,
energetic people get the most done. It takes time and
energy to achieve greatness. If you 'don't have time', or
are 'too tired' or too distracted or too anything, you will
not achieve your dreams. Take care of yourself.

We've all heard the phrase, 'Rome wasn't built in a day.'
We know that 'a journey of a thousand miles starts with a
single step', and we've heard the Serenity Prayer that
begins, 'Give me the courage to change the things I can.'

You cannot achieve great things over-night because in
general, human beings do not do 'big' things. We do little
things. We get up, we go to work. We hug our loved ones,
we make phone calls. We balance the checkbook, exercise
and fix dinner. We do little things! Highly successful
people simply do the right little things, at the right
time, in the right way, and they do lots of them.

If you would achieve great things, do little things and
pile them one on top of another, until you reach the stars.

Author: Philip Humbert, PhD

Questions Determine Your Results

Everyone has heard the phrase, 'First things first!' In
some ways, it has become a cliche, but I notice that highly
successful people consistently ask themselves great questions
and take action based on the answers. What are your
'first things'?

What are your most important projects? What one thing,
more than all the others, will actually make a difference?
What can and SHOULD you focus on? Where can you start?
What can you do right NOW to move forward?

Most of us ask really dumb questions. Now, I don't mean to
be insulting, and I certainly include myself as someone who
frequently asks silly or flat-out dumb questions. This
week, I've caught myself asking, 'Do I have to?'

I've asked, 'Why me?' (REALLY dumb!)

The quality of our results equals the quality of our
questions, and there is no escape. If you want to achieve
more, have more, be and do more, the quickest, easiest and
surest route to success is to ask better, bigger questions!

Practice asking yourself empowering questions. Write them
down on cards, or partner with a friend and insist that
everyday you will focus on asking the BEST questions you
can think of! Questions like:

What am I most grateful for in this situation?

What can I learn from this?

What one thing, more than all the others, will move me
forward today?

What's the most life-enhancing thing I can do today?

What's my number one priority to achieve my most important goal?

And, of course, once you have asked and answered your key
questions, you MUST take action! Once they have asked and
answered highly effective questions, successful people
assemble the tools, people, time, energy and resources
to create precisely the outcomes they truly want!

They leave nothing to chance. If there are projects they
wish to accomplish, they organize around those outcomes.
They delegate everything else. They cancel appointments,
send apologies and skip meetings, they move money into the
right accounts, and adjust their schedules so their most
important projects get their best energy of the day.

Is that how you do it? What I notice is that many people
do exactly the reverse.

The errands, tasks, and 'stuff' of the day get their best
energy. Money goes to bills and 'necessities'. Time goes
to work and friends and 'resting up', and what's left over
is available for their goals. No wonder they spend their
lives caught in 'the thick of thin things'!

How about you? Too many of us are pursuing our most
important goals with the 'left-overs' of life!

This week, I suggest three key steps:

1. Affirm the most important projects on our dream or wish
list. What's on your list of most important things?

2. Ask yourself empowering questions about what's
possible? What will move you forward? Who will help you?
Where can you start? What's next?

3. Allocate resources so your most important projects get
your best efforts. Do the most important things when you
are awake, rested, focused and eager. Arrange your budget so
there is enough money, enough time, and enough 'space'.
First things deserve the very best of your key resources!

Philip Humbert, PhD

Do What You Do Best

I have a client who's business requires extensive
bookkeeping and accounting functions. He used to have a
full-time bookkeeper to support his real-estate and
investment interests, but last year, he decided that was
'too much, I could do some of it myself'. Well.

As you might guess, now it's tax season and his books are a
mess. The truth is that he's not a detail person. He does
not enjoy data entry on the computer, and he kept 'putting
it off until later. I always thought I'd catch up on the
weekend, or next week.'

Unfortunately, that never happened.

My client is extremely good at investing, and his passion,
talents and interests are in the creative, entrepreneurial
side of his business. Ironically, he is very good at
reading financial statements to evaluate a possible
investment. But as a bookkeeper, he needs to fire himself!

We all have our areas of expertise and passion. In our
areas of strength, we are 'geniuses'. Outside those areas,
however, we are doomed - doomed to frustration,
exasperation, and sometimes outright failure.

Do what you love. Do what you do best. Emphasize your
talents and give your customers the extras that only you
can give them. But for goodness sake, hire someone else to
do the things you can't do, won't do, or do badly. You
can't afford to spend your life being inefficient, wearing
yourself out, and spending the rest of the day being
cranky.

Go with your strengths! You'll make more money, have more
fun, and be much more successful!

Philip Humbert, PhD