The real secret to a loving and healthy relationship may not be what you
thought. Of course, every healthy relationship needs love and appreciation,
but the third important element in keeping the relationship healthy is
often missing, that of, confrontation.
In fact, for most relationships, the other two ingredients, love and
appreciation, are in short supply.
The Three key elements for maintaining a healthy relationship are:
Love
Appreciation
Confrontation
1: Love: is the space we create for each other to be who we are. That's the
space of total acceptance with no desire or intent to fix or change. You
might want to ask yourself if you provide, or are experiencing that kind of
total acceptance for, or from your significant other.
If not, real love may be missing and what's there in its place is something
else. In most cases instead of real love you'll find in place a sort of
barter system, as in, I'll love you if.....
2: Appreciation: I'm sure you appreciate your loved ones, friends, and
associates, but how often do you say so, show it?
The word appreciation, means add value to. When you express your
appreciation to your spouse, kids, and other relationship partners, you add
real value to that person and to the relationship. Try it. You'll get it
back ten fold. When was the last time you showed someone dear to you that
you loved and appreciated him or her?
If you want your relationship to become a loving happy place to be, just
make up your mind to show your appreciation now, today; don't put it off.
Make it your intention to make a habit of showing appreciation at every
opportunity. Then pay back off and attention to what shows up in your life
in the form of happier, more loving relationships.
3: Confrontation: Most of us avoid confront like the plague. We side step
the delicate issues, probably because we're afraid that we may be the one
at fault.
But know this: Those thorns in the relationship are hidden issues that just
don't go away until they're dealt with. Instead they're like a festering
splinter that keeps getting worse until pulled to the surface and disposed
of it.
If you have a desire to improve the health of your relationships, find the
courage to confront the hidden problems. You might want to ask, "What's the
most important thing you and I should be talking about today?" And then
listen with no intent to defend yourself.
For this to work, the questioning must be done in the space of
unconditional love as described above. Then, when given an answer, ask more
questions that will help you get a broader view--the whole
picture--questions like, "Tell me more about that. I really want to know
and take responsibility for how I may have caused it."
Be prepared to hear some things you were pretending not to know, and do
not, I repeat, DO NOT, at any time during the questioning, try to clarify
your position. If you really want to know the truth, listen full out. The
benefits?
· You'll learn something of great value
· You'll be able to tackle tough issues
· You will enrich your relationship.
What's the danger in not interrogating reality? A tough issue, avoided can
grow and grow until it destroys the relationship. Dealing with the issue
before it gets out of hand will strengthen and enrich the relationship.
Author: Darel Rutherford
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